UK Police confiscate giant spork in zero-tolerance raid

UK police stationed in Northumberland celebrated after a zero-tolerance raid resulted in the confiscation of one giant green spork (spoon-fork).

“This deadly weapon could’ve been used to drink up soup or to stab someone in horrific style. I know the people of Northumberland are happy that this killing machine is off the streets.”

Residents in nearby homes were shocked at the sight as they walked the deadly weapon out of the Cramlington home.

The suspect in possession of the weapon said he was just using it for decoration and to feed his giant Great Dane dog.

“I was just using it to feed me dog Wilbur!” Horrace Mann said in custody. “He’ll starve without it. He won’t use nuthin’ else to eat with.”

After a nation-wide knife ban, the Northumberland county authorities added sporks to the list of banned items—especially giant sporks.

“There’s just no need for someone to own something like this,” the Police Chief said.