Unemployed Masters Graduate awarded Presidential Medal of Participation by Biden

IOWA—Twenty-eight-year-old Jeremy Daniels was one of several unemployed college graduates who was recognized and awarded a presidential medal of participation by the Biden Administration last week for possessing all of the attributes and personal qualities that represent the potential of the latest string of recent degree earners who feel that the tremendous sacrifices they made in the classroom should entitle them to everything.

Although it was a huge inconvenience for him to turn the television set off and walk all the way to the front door of his parents’ house last Thursday in order to receive a heartfelt congratulations for basically existing and for somehow being bold enough to obtain an education that was paid for by someone else, Daniels happily accepted his medal and was somehow able to put his vaping device and his sugar-filled energy drink aside long enough to endure talking to reporters who were purely astounded by his very presence.

During a 5-minute interview that exhausted his attention span, Jeremy stated that the key to his post-graduate success has involved a rather unique combination of avoiding stressful situations, such as working a part-time job or even engaging in activities that would benefit his local community, while being brave enough to voice his opinion in online forums, such as Twitter, as well as “cancel” people and leave comments on random blogs he simply doesn’t like.

Daniels, who currently has a wide following of liberal supporters and activists around the country who are ready to fight at any given moment to support his lifestyle and his need to feel both “comfortable with” and “completely unoffended by” his surroundings, stated that his next challenge in life will involve playing the latest PlayStation 5 video games while simultaneously looking at his Smartphone in order to read profoundly deep literary text messages from his girlfriend such as “Hey, how R U?” and “What’s up?”