WaPo can’t choose between Harris or Hitler; will stay neutral in 2024 election
In a surprising editorial move, The Washington Post has announced that it will officially remain neutral in the 2024 presidential election, citing an inability to determine whether Kamala Harris or Adolf Hitler is the better candidate to support.
“We take our endorsement process very seriously,” the editorial board said in a statement. “After much deliberation, we found that both Kamala Harris and Adolf Hitler have compelling qualities that make it impossible to pick a side.”
The statement praised Kamala Harris for her “historic achievements” as the first female, Black, and South Asian vice president, despite “some challenges in coherence and likability.” Meanwhile, the board expressed admiration for Hitler’s “visionary infrastructure projects,” though it conceded that “some of his policies may not align with modern values.”
“In many ways, both figures inspire loyalty, deliver powerful speeches, and promote bold plans for the future,” the editorial board wrote. “It’s a toss-up.”
The paper promised to provide fair and balanced coverage of both candidates—offering feature-length profiles on Harris’s latest word salads alongside retrospectives on Hitler’s lesser-known passion for watercolor paintings.
Political analysts have noted that The Washington Post’s non-endorsement follows a recent trend of media outlets grappling with difficult moral choices. “It’s tough out there,” said one anonymous editor. “Hitler had his faults, but some would argue he was more disciplined on messaging.”
The Harris campaign responded with enthusiasm, stating, “We appreciate WaPo’s fairness and commitment to democracy, and we look forward to earning their endorsement in 2028.” Meanwhile, Hitler, who has somehow managed to reenter the conversation, was unavailable for comment.
Social media has reacted with confusion. One post read: “This election is really a question of which train wreck you want to be on.” Another user tweeted: “WaPo’s coverage has me wondering if they’re endorsing a candidate or curating a dark satire anthology.”
In the meantime, The Washington Post assures readers that it will maintain its integrity throughout the election. “We won’t tell you who to vote for—we’ll just hint that democracy is hard, and everybody’s got flaws.”
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