Washington declares state of emergency for disease that was commonplace 40 years ago

Health officials in Washington have declared a state of emergency and are urging immunization as they frantically scramble to contain a disease that wasn’t a big deal 40 years ago.

“We’re going to have to quarantine the entire state if this continues,” Dr. Brit Haas of Clark County Hospital said.

Washington Department of Health officials announced that as of Monday afternoon, there have been 36 confirmed cases—holy crap—and 11 suspected cases of the disease.

In the 1970s, everyone got the disease and it wasn’t a big deal. But ever since the vaccine has been made available, measles is seen to be worse than Ebola. Experts have said that there is no connection there.

That is a significant increase from the reported numbers on Friday, when Gov. Jay Inslee declared a state of emergency. At the time, there were 26 confirmed measles cases.

In Friday’s statement, Inslee said, “The measles virus is a highly contagious infectious disease that can be fatal in small children, and everyone should be freaking out. If you see someone with so much as a zit, you should contact your local health department so they can inject the vaccine in their eyeballs.”

“We thought we had this disease licked,” Haas continued, “but those crazy anti-vaxxers are turning this state into a horror zone.”

President Trump has indicated that he will nuke the state if the outbreak continues to spread.

Video of the terrifying quality of life when everyone got the measles has been made available:


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