White college students now required to wear blackface to hide offensive whiteness

Blackface is abhorrently offensive to sensible people, but not more than white skin color. That’s why several universities across the country are mandating that white students wear blackface while on campus to hide their offensive whiteness.

“It makes a lot of sense,” Patricia Watkins of Cornell University said. “I mean white people are horrible and people of color shouldn’t have to look at us if we can help it.”

“Like, white skin is literally offensive to me. I feel like I’m being violently attacked every time I see it,” Monica Johnson, who is a person of color said. “So, like yeah, this is a good thing.”

Harvard, Yale, and Standford are among the prestigious universities to take this bold new step in racial equality.

“It is our goal to have all whites wearing blackface by the end of the year,” Harvard President Peter Schitz said, wearing blackface of his own.

Many people questioned whether the racist portrayal of blacks was still unacceptable.

“Right, if you’re doing it to ridicule people, then it’s evil, but if you’re doing the same thing to enable a sociopathic social justice campaign, then it’s perfectly fine,” Schitz said.

All non-whites are exempt from the policy, even if you don’t identify as white, in which case you’re probably already wearing some sort of skin paint.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.