White House Report ‘Inflation is Way Down’ After Excluding Gas, Food, Housing

In a brilliant move to piggyback off the FBI’s new method of reporting crime, the White House has announced that inflation is “way down” after excluding gas, food, and housing from its calculations. This groundbreaking approach to economic data analysis has been hailed by some as a “miracle cure” for the nation’s economic woes, and has been met with skepticism and ridicule by others. 

“It’s quite simple, really,” said White House spokesperson Cee Nile in a recent press conference. “If you only report the stuff that doesn’t matter, the economy is booming. That’s Bidenomics, baby!” 

The new method of reporting economic data has been met with widespread confusion and disbelief, with many people expressing their concern about the implications of this new approach to economic analysis. 

“This is ridiculous,” said one economist, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “How can anyone claim that inflation is down when gas, food, and housing prices continue to soar?” 

But not everyone is convinced, and many people are praising President* Biden’s decision to exclude gas, food, and housing from the inflation calculations, arguing that it is the only way to ensure that the American people can continue to live in freedom and prosperity. 

“This is a game-changer,” said one enthusiastic supporter, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I’ve always thought that the best way to defeat inflation was to ignore it, and what better way to achieve that than by excluding gas, food, and housing?” 

Despite the backlash, President* Biden remains defiant, and he has vowed to continue protecting the American people from the dangers of inflation. 

“I know that this is a risky strategy, but I believe that it’s the right thing to do,” said President* Biden in a recent interview. “We cannot allow inflation to destroy our way of life, and I am committed to doing everything in my power to ensure that it is not.” 

In the end, only time will tell whether President* Biden’s decision was just or unjust, but one thing is certain: this bizarre and outlandish story is sure to inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists and political opportunists, and to remind us all that sometimes, the most effective way to save the economy is to simply make things up as one goes along.


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