The WNBA has unveiled a regulation wrestling ring at center court for all games, designed explicitly to let players “pummel” Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark in a spectacle dubbed “Clark’s Crunchtime Clash.”

Commissioner Cathy Engelbert announced the bold initiative at a press conference, wearing a referee-striped crop top and holding a bedazzled sledgehammer. “Caitlin’s been a lightning rod—fouls, glares, you name it. Fans can’t get enough,” Engelbert said. “So we’re giving every team a chance to settle it in the ring. It’s like a fast break, but with more body slams.”

The ring, equipped with spring-loaded ropes and a suspiciously stained mat, will debut at the Fever’s next matchup against the Connecticut Sun. At halftime, opposing players can challenge Clark to matches with names like “The Flagrant Slam Jam” or “The Double-Dribble Dropkick.” Rules? Out the window. Referees will reportedly allow everything from clotheslines to folding-chair ambushes.

“Caitlin’s been eating elbows all season,” said Sun forward Alyssa Thomas, shadowboxing in a glittery cape. “Now I can just powerbomb her and call it a day. It’s gonna be electric.” Thomas later claimed she was “just hyping the crowd” but was spotted practicing a figure-four leglock.

Clark, unfazed, shrugged it off during practice while sinking a 35-foot jumper. “I’ve been pushed, shoved, and roasted on social media,” she said. “A wrestling ring? Just another Tuesday. Maybe I’ll hit ‘em with a flying forearm.” Whispers suggest Clark’s been training with WWE legend Rey Mysterio, though he denied it, saying, “My 619 is reserved for the ring, not the court.”

The decision has sparked chaos. ESPN’s Kendrick Perkins called it “a travesty to basketball’s soul” before admitting he’d stream it on pay-per-view. Fans went wild, crafting wrestling aliases like “Dunkin’ Diana” Taurasi and “Kneecap Kelsey” Plum. Fans, however, aren’t all sold. “I paid to see layups, not suplexes,” grumbled one season ticket holder, while others fretted Clark’s 152-pound frame might not withstand a tag-team pile-driver from, say, A’ja Wilson and Brittney Griner.

The league dismissed safety concerns, promising Clark “a stack of kendo sticks” for defense. Sponsorships are rolling in, with Red Bull and a sketchy protein powder brand signing on as “Official Pummel Partners.” A Netflix special, Caitlin’s Court Carnage, is reportedly in talks.

As the WNBA dives headfirst into this bizarre fusion, one question looms: Will Clark emerge as the league’s unlikely Undertaker, or will she get pinned by a rival’s top-rope takedown? Grab your popcorn—and maybe a steel chair—for the next game.

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