Sat. Nov 17th, 2018

De Blasio signs bill allowing “sparkly unicorn gender” on birth certificates

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio signed a bill into law Tuesday allowing New York City residents to select a third gender category on their birth certificates: the “sparkly unicorn gender”. This selection will not require parents to get approval from a medical professional or to have any grasp on biology or reality.

“If you identify as an ethereal sparkly flying unicorn then who am I to stop you?” Mayor de Blasio said in a statement following the signing.

The bill sparked protests from several psychological and logical groups. “This is ridiculous,” one protester said. “Sparkly unicorns do not exist. It is a gender that has no biological, psychological, or logical reality.”

Supporters reject all that science stuff. “Gender is completely fluid and arbitrary and we are the gender we want to be!” One protester said bravely defiant of all rationality. “If I want my baby to self-identify as a sparkly-ass unicorn, then dammit, that’s what she’ll—err what zhir will self-identify as!”

Supporters of the bill have yet to reconcile the apparent contradiction of assigning an identity to someone else if gender is arbitrary. “Did you just assume your baby’s fictitious gender?”