BREAKING: India bombs Pakistan after they refused to send their ‘bobs and vagene’
NEW DELHI—In a shocking escalation of South Asian tensions, India has reportedly launched a full-scale military offensive against Pakistan, codenamed...
Year: 2025
Massachusetts Judge Bans Trump from Being President, Cites ‘Orange Man Bad’ Doctrine
A Municipal Judge in Suburban Township, Massachusetts, roughly twenty miles west of Boston, has issued a permanent nation-wide injunction on...
BREAKING: Trump Ends US-Canada Trade War with Bold Swap: Seattle and Portland for Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba
Washington, D.C./Ottawa, April 29, 2025 – In a move that has left economists dumbfounded, patriots clutching their Tim Hortons cups,...
Congratulations to Portugal and Spain on accidentally achieving net zero before 2050
Lisbon/Madrid, April 29, 2025 – In a plot twist that has left climate scientists dumbfounded, tech bros unemployed, and candle...
Cleveland Browns draft wife-beater Kilmar Garcia for roster depth
CLEVELAND, OH – In a move that has left NFL fans simultaneously stunned and oddly unsurprised, the Cleveland Browns used...
College grad shocked to learn that ‘all that debt literally had to be paid back at some point’
Denison, OH—Recent college grad, Anita Lawyer, said she was surprised when her mom and dad informed her that the $226,000...
Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good
Listen up, America, because I’ve got a PhD in PhDs and a bone to pick with the anti-poison hysterics—namely, Robert...
Millions of new tariff experts unsure how to pay off their student loan debt
As America’s tariff wars reshape the global economy, a vocal army of self-styled “tariff experts”—ordinary folks with strong opinions and...
Climate activists protest Elon Musk by sending ‘NO DOGE’ smoke signals up from burning Tesla batteries
In a surreal twist of environmental activism, a group of climate warriors calling themselves "GreenSmoke Revolution" staged a fiery protest...
AOC: Only Illegal Immigrants Should Get Due Process Because they Broke the Law to be Here So Clearly They Really Want It
America, it’s time to shake up this tired “due process for all” nonsense. The Constitution’s cute and all, but let’s...
