AUSTIN—Business magnate Elon Musk has purchased the legacy social media platform Twitter for $30 billion and promptly deleted in his latest humanitarian venture.

“Everyone knew that Twitter was the worst scourge on mankind since the Nazis,” Musk said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times. “But it took the right person to overcome the power and greed of Dorsey and the rest of the company to just put them out of their misery.”

Musk funded the venture with a small fraction of his net worth as he became the richest person in the history of the world after his Dogecoin cryptocurrency holdings skyrocketed to over $500 trillion in recent days.

“It was pocket change really. Twitter wouldn’t accept DOGE as payment, so I had to sell a little bit of my holdings to buy the defunct company,” Musk said.

Twitter refused to acknowledge that they had been bought in a hostile takeover in order to be deleted by the world’s most generous philanthropist. Minutes before the website was shut off, @jack posted: “This claim of Twitter being bought by Elon Musk is disputed and no one can tweet about it.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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