Despite 50 years of dire warnings from environmentalists that the Earth will be completely different or destroyed if we don’t do their specific (and often contradictory) policies to correct the problem of man-made climate change, the Earth still exists.

“We were pretty sure the earth was going to end as we knew it if we didn’t drastically alter our consumption habits,” climate expert Hans Hanssen said in a press conference. “But, it’s still pretty much the same.”

Ice caps are still there, trees are still growing, and there are still fish in the oceans, despite decades of doomsday scenarios being promoted by groups like Greenpeace and Earth Day.

“It’s really strange,” analyst Peter Summons said. “They told us the world was going to end and so I sold gambled my life savings away and have been really reckless. But the world didn’t end. I don’t know what to do with my life.”

Since the first Earth Day in 1970, infant mortality has decreased by 75%, air pollution has sharply declined, calorie consumption has increase by 22%, extreme poverty has halved.

Still, people like US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez continue to make predictions like the world is going to end in 12 years if we don’t fix climate change.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts