OTTAWA—Following the aggressive move by Russia to move troops into two breakaway regions of eastern Ukraine, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has declared war on Canada.

“We condemn in the strongest terms possible what Putin and the Russians are doing,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said at a press conference. “And therefore, we are declaring war on Canada.”

Canadian Parliament voted to declare war on itself in a 185 to 151 vote.

“These are stressful times and we need to be at war like everyone else,” Trudeau said. “And we cannot fight the likes of Russia, so we must fight our own people—the innocent hardworking people of Canada.”

Sources close to the Prime Minister say that he has been itching for a reason to declare war on Canada for a while.

“Millions of Canadians hold unacceptable views and we must unite our country by eliminating all of those people from the face of the Earth,” Trudeau said.

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