New York State Assembly is set to install an animal worship altar in the style of ancient Aztec pagans next to their child sacrifice altar installed earlier this year.

The move follows the introduction of a bill to prohibit the barbaric practice of declawing of cats and the passage of late-term abortion and infanticide legislation.

As GK Chesterton has noted, “Wherever there is animal worship, there is child sacrifice,” and that is no more evident than in New York.

“Declawing little kitty cats is a horribly barbaric practice and cat ladies all over the state should be forced to live with scratches and puncture wounds,” New York State Rep. Daniel Apocalypto said in a press conference.

“We humans need to be more kind and caring to our furry little friends. And of course, this doesn’t apply to small humans, which should have their spines cut and brains sucked out with a vacuum if the mother wants that.”

“Declawing cats is inhumane, but vacuuming human brains is fine,” he added.

Apocaypto will be the first to worship at the animal altar after installation in July.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts