In a groundbreaking move that has left both citizens and palm trees in awe, President* Biden has announced his long-awaited visit to Hawaii, citing a newfound appreciation for the state’s beautiful beaches that are conveniently upwind of the devastating wildfires. It’s a presidential excursion that promises sandy shores and a breath of fresh, smoke-free air.

“There is a total crisis in Maui. 3000 destroyed homes. 80 people dead. Where’s Joe Biden? On vacation of course. There is no bottom for this president,” she wrote in a post on X, formerly Twitter.

The decision was met with a mix of surprise and relief, as citizens wondered if the President had finally noticed the palm trees swaying gently on the television screen while watching a climate change documentary. “It’s about time he realized that Hawaii has some of the best beaches, and they’re not currently on fire,” commented one enthusiastic resident.

The White House press release, titled “Biden’s Beach Bliss: A Presidential Escape from Smoke,” outlined the president’s itinerary, which includes lounging on the beach, sipping tropical drinks, and enjoying a ceremonial “unveiling” of his sunscreen application skills. “I’m excited to personally witness the phenomenon of ‘not being surrounded by smoke’ while relaxing on the beach,” Biden declared, as he practiced applying sunscreen to his forearm.

Environmentalists, however, have raised concerns about the President’s apparent disregard for the more pressing issues of climate change and wildfire prevention. “While it’s great that President* Biden wants to enjoy Hawaii’s natural beauty, perhaps he could also use this opportunity to discuss strategies for addressing the wildfires and their underlying causes,” suggested one concerned activist, holding a sign that read, “Visit AND Vow to arsonists.”

But the President’s newfound affinity for Hawaii’s pristine shores is undeniable. “When you’ve spent most of your life on the East Coast, it’s easy to overlook the benefits of a beach without ash falling from the sky,” mused a White House staffer. “The president is really looking forward to the feeling of sand between his toes without needing an air mask.”

As President* Biden prepares to embark on his Hawaiian adventure, the nation eagerly awaits updates on his beachside escapades and whether his appreciation for uncharred landscapes will extend to a renewed commitment to addressing climate change and wildfire prevention. Until then, we can only watch and hope that his vacation selfies inspire more than just beach envy.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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