NYC residents beg Xi Jinping to visit so the government would fix their homeless problem too

In an unexpected twist of municipal envy, New York City residents are pleading with Chinese President Xi Jinping to sprinkle some of his problem-solving stardust on their homelessness crisis, just like he allegedly did in San Francisco ahead of his visit there.

Inspired by the whispers of Xi’s benevolence reaching the East Coast, citizens from all walks of life gathered at Central Park with banners reading “Xi-novate Our Streets” and “Xi Marks the Spot for Affordable Housing.” Eager to emulate the supposed success story across the country, they hoped that a visit from President Xi would be the key to unlocking a golden era of prosperity and housing solutions.

One resident, Emily Rodriguez, optimistically exclaimed, “I heard that in San Francisco, President Xi waved his magic wand – or should I say, magic red flag – and poof! Homelessness started disappearing. We figured, why not bring him over here and let the enchantment spread to the concrete jungle?”

Rumors about Xi Jinping’s mystical ability to cure urban ailments began circulating after his visit to San Francisco, where reports suggested that homelessness miraculously receded and housing problems evaporated like morning mist. Some enthusiasts even started selling “Xi Jinping’s Housing Elixir” on street corners, promising to transform cardboard boxes into cozy apartments with just a few drops.

Critics, however, argue that the correlation between Xi’s visit and San Francisco’s housing improvements might be a bit of a stretch. “It’s like believing in fairy tales,” scoffed local activist James Thompson. “The real solution lies in local policies, not in expecting a foreign leader to perform miracles. This is not ‘Xi in Wonderland.'”

Undeterred, the Xi-novate Our Streets movement gained momentum on social media, with the hashtag #XiFixNYC trending as residents shared Photoshopped images of President Xi holding a magic wand labeled “Urban Renewal.” Some even suggested renaming iconic New York landmarks to reflect their newfound optimism – “Xi-liberty Island” and “The Jinping Empire State Building.”

As the campaign gains traction, Mayor Bill de Blasio, possibly feeling the pressure, quipped during a press conference, “If President Xi wants to share some of that magic, I’m all ears. We’ll even throw in a complimentary Broadway show as a thank-you gesture.”

Whether President Xi Jinping heeds the call to bring his mystical touch to New York City or not remains to be seen. Until then, the residents are keeping their fingers crossed and rehearsing their most enchanting welcomes in anticipation of a potential visit from the man with the Midas touch.