Biden: ‘Imprisoning Political Enemies Is the Only Way to Save Democracy’

President* Joe Biden has declared that “imprisoning political enemies is the only way to save democracy”, in what many are calling a “drastic and authoritarian measure” to ensure the survival of the American political system.

“We are pleased to announce that imprisoning political enemies is now the only way to save democracy, and that we are committed to ensuring that those who seek to undermine our way of life are brought to justice,” said Biden, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “We believe that this is the best way to ensure that democracy can continue to thrive in the face of adversity, and to ensure that the American people can continue to live in freedom and prosperity.”

The announcement has sent shockwaves through the political and conspiracy theory communities, with many people expressing their fear and unease about the possibility of authoritarianism and political desperation.

“This is a nightmare,” said one civil liberties advocate, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I’ve always thought that the best way to defeat tyranny was to promote freedom and democracy, and what better way to achieve that than by imprisoning political enemies?”

But not everyone is convinced, and many people are calling Biden’s decision a self-serving compromise, arguing that it is impossible for democracy to be saved if political enemies are imprisoned.

“This is ridiculous,” said one skeptical observer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “How can anyone think that it’s a good idea to imprison political enemies, and then claim that democracy is saved?”

Despite the backlash, Biden remains defiant, and he has vowed to continue protecting democracy from the dangers of political enemies.

“I know that this is a risky strategy, but I believe that it’s the right thing to do,” said Biden in a recent interview. “We cannot allow democracy to be destroyed, and I am committed to doing everything in my power to ensure that it is not.”

In the end, only time will tell whether Biden’s decision was just or unjust, but one thing is certain: this bizarre and outlandish story is sure to inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists and political opportunists, and to remind us all that sometimes, the most effective way to save democracy is to simply make things up as one goes along.