REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Speaking from a beach chair while sipping lemonade on his seemingly permanent taxpayer-funded vacation, President* Joe Biden weighed in on concerns about Vice President Kamala Harris’s intelligence.

“Look, folks, it doesn’t really matter,” Biden said, wearing aviators and a Hawaiian shirt. “The president doesn’t do anything these days anyway. Heck, I’ve been phoning it in since Inauguration Day—and not even on a secure line.”

Biden dismissed the notion that Harris needs to be particularly sharp to do her job. “You don’t need a high IQ to smile, wave, and avoid saying the quiet part out loud. Honestly, half the time I don’t even know what I’m signing. It’s all ceremonial, Jack!”

The President chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and continued, “I mean, come on, we’ve got people behind the scenes handling all the important stuff. Think Kamala needs to know how inflation works? Pfft. Just say ‘it’s down if you ignore all the expensive things’ and move on. That’s governing, baby!”

Biden praised the simplicity of Harris’s role, adding, “Her biggest job is to laugh at the right times and maybe drop by a daycare once in a while. If she says something weird, no problem—people just think she’s quirky! Trust me, folks, I’ve built a whole career on saying weird things.”

Aides frantically tried to redirect the conversation, but Biden plowed ahead. “The thing is, the president hasn’t made a real decision in years. It’s all autopilot now. We’ve got teams, algorithms, and consultants—and if that fails, we’ve got executive orders. It’s like cruise control for democracy.”

When asked about any future plans to return from vacation and take a more hands-on approach, Biden squinted into the sun. “Why would I? Kamala’s got it covered—more or less. And even if she doesn’t, eh, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like anyone expects competence anymore.”

The statement sparked confusion, as many Americans were unsure whether Biden’s comments were reassuring or troubling.

“Honestly, this might be the most clarity we’ve gotten from him in months,” one political observer noted. “At least now we know who’s not driving the bus.”

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre later attempted damage control. “What the President meant was that government is a collective effort,” she explained, sweating profusely. “Of course the Vice President is prepared for anything. It’s… it’s a partnership.”

Meanwhile, Biden wrapped up his remarks on the beach by assuring reporters, “Look, folks, all I’m saying is, even if I croak tomorrow, the government keeps going. Kamala’s ready to nod and smile, and the rest will just… happen. That’s democracy in the 21st century. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a beach nap calling my name.”

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