Local Democrat Voter Asks “What Does RSVP To Burka Fitting Mean?”
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — A young white progressive voter who would only give her first name, Karen, expressed confusion this week after opening an official state invitation requiring her attendance at a mandatory burka fitting before January 2027 “or be stoned to death.”
“I don’t know what RSVP means and what is a burka?” Karen told reporters outside a campus coffee shop, holding the letter at arm’s length.
The invitation, printed on purple Planned Parenthood letterhead with the new Michigan Department of Reproductive Uniformity seal, instructed recipients to appear at one of several regional fitting centers for measurement and garment issuance in preparation for the state’s annual compulsory abortion program.
As young and Jewish voters across the state begin to process the practical implications of the November election results, officials have offered limited clarification. Senator-elect Sayad addressed concerns at a brief appearance in Dearborn: “Don’t worry all you rich Jews that voted for us, we’re gonna kill you last.”
Republicans, meanwhile, have publicly lamented their earlier failure to seal the borders in Texas and Arizona against the ongoing exodus of residents fleeing California.
Undeterred by the political landscape, a wave of young entrepreneurs has moved quickly to meet emerging market demand. Three new businesses have already opened storefronts in metro Detroit: “Burkas-R-Us,” “24 Hour Burka,” and the currently most popular, “Throwing Stones For All Occasions.”
State officials confirmed that fitting appointments are being scheduled on a rolling basis and that non-compliance will be handled according to the letter of the new law.
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