VAN HORN, TX – In a galactic embarrassment for pop culture and private space travel alike, Katy Perry’s much-hyped Blue Origin flight came to an abrupt halt yesterday when the singer failed to parallel park her New Shepard capsule during a suborbital joyride. The incident, livestreamed to millions of fans expecting a cosmic rendition of “Firework,” has sparked memes, mockery, and a heated debate about whether anyone—celebrity or not—can master parking in space.

Perry, joined by her backup dancers-turned-“co-astronauts” Tasha “Taz” Lopez and Ryan “Rye” Carter, plus influencer-turned-space-tourist Logan “Logang” Reed, blasted off from Blue Origin’s West Texas launch site with promises of a “teenage dream” in microgravity. The mission: reach the edge of space, perform a choreographed zero-G dance routine, and dock briefly with a Blue Origin prototype platform to “plant a flag for music.” But just 10 minutes into the flight, things went from “Roar” to “oops” as Perry struggled to align the capsule with the platform’s docking port.

“It was like watching my cousin try to park at a music festival,” said Blue Origin mission control tech Jake Simmons, who monitored the fiasco. “Katy kept swinging the capsule too far left, then too far right. At one point, she clipped the platform’s antenna, and I heard her scream, ‘It’s cool, it’s just a vibe!’”

According to Blue Origin’s flight data, Perry attempted the parallel park maneuver—described as “like backing into a garage while floating in a bounce house”—12 times in 15 minutes. Each try was punctuated by audible groans over the comms, Tasha yelling, “Girl, cut the wheel!” and Logan livestreaming himself saying, “This is not the content I signed up for.” Perry, piloting manually to “make it iconic,” reportedly ignored the capsule’s auto-dock feature, insisting, “I’m a superstar, I got this.”

The internet lost its mind. X erupted with #KatyCantPark and #SpaceFlop trending globally, alongside memes of the New Shepard capsule drifting awkwardly near the platform, captioned with lines like “When you forget the lyrics AND the parking spot” and “Houston, we have a Katy problem.” Critics pounced, with one X post sniping, “This is what happens when you let pop stars play astronaut.” Fans, however, rallied with #KatyInSpace, arguing that male billionaires have botched space stunts for years without this much shade.

Blue Origin tried to spin the debacle. “Docking in space is a complex operation, even for a short flight,” said spokesperson Lisa Tran. “It’s not about Katy—it’s about physics. And maybe a little overconfidence.” When asked why the auto-dock wasn’t enforced, Tran mumbled, “She wanted to do it her way. You know, artistic vision.”

The decision to abort came after the platform’s automated systems started flashing warning lights, which Perry later claimed were “trying to harsh our vibe.” “We didn’t need to come back,” she told reporters post-landing, flipping her hair. “But the platform was, like, totally not cooperating. It kept moving on us! We’ll slay it next time.”

As the capsule parachuted back to Earth, fans waiting at the landing site waved glow sticks and signs reading “PARKING’S FOR PLANETS” and “YOU’RE STILL OUR STAR, KATY.” But the mood was deflated. “I wanted to show the universe what music can do,” Perry said, clutching a bedazzled spacesuit. “Instead, I learned space parking is a scam invented by nerds to cramp my style.”

Blue Origin has scheduled a do-over flight for next month, promising “extra training” and a “parking assist” upgrade for the capsule. Perry’s team is reportedly revising her pre-flight prep to include a new routine: “Orbital Parking: It’s Not You, It’s the Void.” Meanwhile, the singer remains unfazed. “I’m coming back, and I’m docking that thing,” she vowed. “Or I’ll just crash the party and call it performance art. Watch me.”

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