Israel Celebrates US-Iran Peace Plan by Bombing the Hell Out of Lebanon
TEL AVIV — Israeli officials announced Thursday that a landmark peace initiative with Iran would be moving forward, marking the occasion with what military spokesmen described as “measured, festive retaliatory actions” across southern Lebanon.
The peace plan, which sources say involves both sides continuing to do largely whatever they were already doing, was hailed by Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as “a historic breakthrough in regional coexistence.”
“To achieve peace with Iran, we must demonstrate strength and clarity of purpose,” Netanyahu said during a brief press conference held between airstrikes. “That is why, effective immediately, the Israeli Air Force is conducting extensive operations to degrade Hezbollah’s capacity to celebrate this peace with us.”
Overnight, Israeli jets struck more than 40 targets in Lebanon, including suspected rocket sites, command centers, and at least one apartment building that officials confirmed was “probably housing something.”
Lebanese health authorities reported dozens killed and injured, though Israeli sources described the figures as “unverified and, frankly, unhelpful to the peace process.”
Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesman Nasser Kanaani offered a muted response, calling the bombings “regrettable but entirely consistent with Zionist behavior.”
He added that Tehran remains committed to the peace framework, provided Israel stops existing at some point in the future.
U.S. State Department officials welcomed the developments.
“We support de-escalation through strength,” said a spokesperson. “Israel’s decision to bomb Lebanon shows real commitment to the diplomatic track with Iran. We urge all parties to remain calm while this is sorted out with high explosives.”
In Beirut, Lebanese Prime Minister Najib Mikati convened an emergency meeting of whatever cabinet ministers could still reach the building.
“We were not even part of the peace plan,” Mikati reportedly muttered, according to aides. “Why are we celebrating it like this?”
Analysts described the sequence of events as “classically Middle Eastern,” noting that peace announcements in the region have historically been followed by intensified military activity in neighboring countries that had the misfortune of geographic proximity.
At press time, Israeli Defense Forces were preparing a new round of celebratory strikes, with officials emphasizing that the operations would continue “until the peace is sufficiently secured.”
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