CHICAGO – At least 35 people were shot, including 7 fatally, over the Labor Day weekend in Chicago, a decrease in violence, evidently caused by gang bangers taking the Labor Day holiday off.

“We need a work life balance too,” Dwayne Johnson said. “It’s hard work slinging in such a restrictive area. Almost everywhere you turn it’s a gun-free zone.”

This was a decline in murders from the previous weekend where 55 people were shot.

Many were mad about the lack of publicity.

“It’s almost as if people who claim to care about gun violence only really care when it happens in a pro-gun state by a racist psychopath. They don’t really care if it’s perpetrated by a black man in an anti-gun city and state,” Sam Chucklehead of Chicago said.

Almost.

For her part, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot has been working tirelessly to make sure LGBTQ people feel equally terrorized by gun violence in the city.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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