President Trump has directed the Pentagon to recklessly divert $3.6 billion dollars from unnecessary foreign interventions to actually protecting the US homeland.

“This is unconscionable,” decried Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “Who does he think he is to take vital money from important unconstitutional wars to doing something that protects America?”

The Pentagon has a bloated budget of $686 billion and has widely been reported to spend exorbitant amounts on things like coffee makers, but spending less than one percent of the budget on an effective wall is unacceptable.

“The goal of the Defense Department is to go to foreign countries on the other side of the world and intimidate leaders who haven’t succumbed to the New World Order Central Banking system. Only an idiot would think the goal of the Defense Department is actual defense of the homeland,” Pentagon official Lars Chitfurbrains said.

Democrats were infuriated about the decision.

“This man is out of control,” Pelosi said. “I haven’t met a spending increase I didn’t like, but I want that spending to be on unconstitutional stuff, not actually what the government was designed to do!”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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