Millions of liberals across the country awoke to terrifying news after a night of drunken celebration over impeachment: Trump is still the president.

“I thought we had it in the bag,” confessed one die-hard liberal. “I thought we had nailed him to the wall! Then I woke up to find out the bad orange man is still the president. The Russians have already infiltrated our entire government!”

Many congresspeople were confused as well that their vote of impeachment didn’t oust the hated leader of the free world.

“So, am I president now?” freshman Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said. “I was told that if I voted for impeachment that I would get to be president next.”

The House voted to impeach the president but there’s still debate as to whether it’s in effect since the Speaker hasn’t delivered the impeachment to the Senate. Pelosi is withholding the document until she gets incriminating evidence on her political enemy.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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