It all started with a crazed rant on Alex Jones’ real and unfiltered television show, where he described sizing up his neighbors out of fear of the global food supply chain collapsing, and intermittently describing honesty as his superpower and how his daughters would not starve, and quickly realizing he was sitting on cannibal gold. Americans of all stripes were initially troubled by his insane rant, but then given the direction of the year of our Lord 2020, they all collectively shrugged their shoulders and said, “why not?”

In his near syphilitic genius, Jones has compiled a book of delicious recipes to combat global starvation by skinning, flailing, and grilling your neighbors. The hard bound book will be released for a limited time, and all proceeds will benefit Alex Jones Inc. 

The project is truly amazing, it pushes the boundaries of acceptable practices, while introducing cannibalism as the rage among alt-righters and the Q-anon types. And might I brag and say that I have personally laid eyes on the recipes contained in this beautiful collection and I am drooling. Such wonderful dishes include, Those lovely Smith Ribs soaked in Shiner Bock Beer, Smokin’ Jalapeno Ground Cortez family Burgers, 24 hour smoked Emily and John from down the road with Carrots and Potatoes, and my personal favorite Grilled toes from the Morrison family with onions and peppers.

It is truly a bold move releasing such a book of recipes. Some of his fans have acted appalled at the lengths Alex Jones is willing to go in feeding humanity while the food chain collapses, but bold times call for bold crazy people. And Jones is up for that job. I have ordered my copy, and I suggest my loyal readers order one too.

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Earnest O'Connor

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