Amid staggering inflation, Millennials have been forced to change their financial habits. Most worrisome is that Millennial contestants on Wheel of Fortune are now forced to rent vowels instead of buying them due to worsening financial conditions.

“This is a financial crisis equal to the Great Depression,” Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) said, commenting on The Hill’s report. “The pandemic has only worsened vowel inequality in our society. Millennials can’t afford to buy vowels these days so instead they’re renting them. And now they’re forced to choose between renting a vowel or putting food on the table, and like no one should ever be put in that position. It’s, like, totally immoral.”

To address the issue, Congress proposed a bill called the “I’d Like to Buy a Vowel Act”, which creates a government-run program that offers vowels to every citizen below market cost.

Economist Thomas Sowell was quick to slam the move. “When the government artificially lowers the price of vowels below what it would be in a free market, it ends up creating a shortage of vowels because the demand for vowels exceeds their supply. This bill will no doubt have severe repercussions in the future.”

With enough support Congress eventually passed the bill. Unfortunately, shortly after its passage it created a massive shortage of vowels around the country, as many economists had predicted. As of the time of this article’s publication, vwls r xtnct.

^{Originally published November 27, 2021.}

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Rafi Metz

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