AOC asks Putin for small part of Ukraine to start her utopia in

BROOKLYN—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has asked Russian despot Putin for a small part of the Ukraine she’s had her eye on for a couple months.

Out shopping for a new tiara, she laughed and yelled “Dibs! Hey, it’s just a little part on the bottom near Moldova probably nobody wants anyway. I mean, ‘Big P’ is going to get the lion’s share and c’mon, that’s what communism is all about, right? Sharing stuff stupid.

“This is a chance to get it right. A whole country of communal living where everyone suffers the same. Right now I’m considering being a president but if push came to shoot, I would so like to be a queen… have a lot of servants and lots of dancing on rooftops and no one has any money because there is so much cheese and Pepsi.

“A place that’s, I don’t know, so sparkly and no one has to work if they don’t want to because the government has everything,” Ocasio-Cortez said.