I don’t know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay.

I just visited a field in Connecticut where all of the pumpkins had been drained of their spice by illegal poaching.

This is unethical, it’s immoral, and it’s just wrong.

You’d say, “Well pumpkins don’t have feelings. They can’t feel their spice literally being drained from their bodies.”

But that’s just stupid. Of course they can feel pain. Pumpkins are living human beings, just like the rest of us (but not like preborn humans of course–they can’t feel anything).

We must stop this illegal poaching of all these pumpkins’ spice. I mean, who wants a white pumpkin? They’re horrible and racist. These poachers are turning pumpkins racist!!

It must end.

Please, please, please, demand ethically-sourced Pumpkin Spice Lattes the next time you go to Starbucks!

_{Originally published September 15, 2022.}

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