Biden assures Americans trapped in Afghanistan he won’t send any mean tweets

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden finally promised the 10-15,000 Americans still trapped in Afghanistan that they don’t need to worry about mean tweets anymore.

“I promise every American who is stuck in that godforsaken place that is now run by violent extremists the Taliban that they don’t have to worry. Everything’s going to be fine because I will NOT send mean tweets. Not today. Not ever,” Biden said at a press conference.

When asked whether he had any plans to get evacuate the Americans from the country, Biden hedged.

“We have many plans in place to do several different things. But the most important point is that I will not send mean tweets. That’s what the people should be focused on,” Biden said.

Biden, who ran on the platform of “No Mean Tweets” is trying to keep his promise in the face of a humanitarian crisis.

“It is tempting to want to send mean tweets, sure,” Biden said. “But I am a man of my word. After all, I’m a lifelong politician and we all know that politicians keep their word.”


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