WASHINGTON, DC—In a heartfelt message, President* Biden wishes a happy Presidents Day to whoever is president right now.

“I’d like to thank—well let me just say, happy Presidents Day to whoever’s president,” Biden said at the annual Rose Garden address. “I’m sure glad it’s not me with all this crazy stuff going on!”

As White House aides exchanged nervous glances behind him, Biden continued his rambling tribute, weaving in and out of coherence like a ship lost in a fog.

“I’ve been told it’s customary for the president to say something on this occasion, so here I am,” Biden said, a bemused smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “But if it turns out I’m not actually president anymore, then, uh, disregard this. Or maybe not. Who knows?”

The president’s remarks sparked a flurry of speculation among political pundits and social media users alike, with many questioning whether Biden’s statement was a deliberate attempt at humor or a genuine lapse in memory.

“I think he’s trying to be funny, but it’s hard to tell,” remarked one Twitter user, echoing the sentiments of many. “Either way, it’s classic Biden.”

Meanwhile, in a rare moment of bipartisan agreement, Republicans and Democrats alike seized on Biden’s remarks as evidence of his alleged cognitive decline.

“Is this what we’ve come to expect from the leader of the free world?” asked one incredulous commentator on Fox News. “It’s like watching a comedy sketch, except it’s real life.”

But as the furor over Biden’s Presidents Day message continued to swirl, the president himself seemed unfazed by the uproar, returning to the White House to resume his daily routine of ice cream and naps.

In the end, it was a fitting tribute to the holiday: a day marked by confusion, uncertainty, and a healthy dose of political satire. As for who currently holds the title of president, well, that’s anyone’s guess.

_{Originally published February 21, 2022.}

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