Have you seen the Wuhan bat? The teeth alone are scary enough but put that together with the rest and you have a truly hideous creature.

We’re pretty sure with a bit of Botox and plastic surgery this little darling would make a great pet. Looks like with a bad cold the sneeze spray would go straight up which is probably a good thing since it’s usually sleeping in your hair.

We understand calendar makers are inundated with requests to dress those buggers in various cute outfits for each calendar month. I know GT has ordered several. And move over Barbie, the Christmas Wuhan bat doll with that tiny red and white Christmas hat will be a real killer.

We just couldn’t help but think we’ve seen this little guy somewhere before, so we sent our Entertainment Editor, Lespian Thespian, to see if we could find out exactly where.

After collecting DNA samples from over 300 well-known celebrities we got a few interesting hits. Luckily, we did limit our search to ‘hideous creatures’.

The two people genetically closest to the Wuhan Bat were Joy Behar and Nancy Pelosi. There was a 99.97% match.

We contacted Elizabeth Warren, a close runner up, but she was smoking a Peace Pipe with Cherokee Tribal Elders and unavailable until the next Flower Moon.

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Justin Case

An International Sensation, author, lecturer, and disestablishmentarian whose talents and accomplishments have made him a household name.
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