WASHINGTON DC—Democrats were shocked as Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett performed an exorcism during her opening statement at her confirmation hearing, casting out several demons.

“This is exactly what we were afraid of,” Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez said. “Just look at Diane Feinstein‘s smiling, peaceful body now. It’s almost like she’s not there anymore.”

After each Senate Judicial Committee member gave his or her opening statement, Barrett was given the floor, at which point, she started splashing holy water around the chamber and reciting Latin.

Several Democratic committee members including Feinstein and Cory Booker were seen with their eyes rolling back in their heads and a blue steam excreting from their heads.

“It was extremely painful to watch. I can’t imagine enduring much more of this,” Perez added.

“It was like the exoricism of Emily Rose. It was amazing!” one witness said.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts