WASHINGTON DC—Despite four years of slander, accusations and spying by his political opponents, President Donald Trump remains focused on advancing his agenda. Democrats have been unable to remove him from office lawfully nor convince his supporters he is unfit for office. Inside sources reveal Democrats continue to lose because they have not exploited the President’s one weakness: his heel.
Sources reveal that as a baby, Donald Trump’s mother dipped him in bronzer, which gave him a unique color but left him impervious to name-calling and criticism. However, baby Donald was held by his ankle, preventing him from total submersion. It remains the only part of the President absent of the powers of bronzer.
“Instead of governing, Democrats spent the past four years focusing their collective energy on slandering the President” the source told reporters. “They still haven’t figured out that words just bounce off of him.”
Even diseases are harmless to the President. A doctor from Walter Reed Hospital credited the President’s quick recovery from the China Virus to his special abilities. “If the virus attacked his ankle instead of his lungs, we might have a President Pence today.”
Opposition voters are expected to ignore the revelations and continue their resistance by screaming into the sky rather than his feet.
“They criticize his complexion,” said our anonymous source. “But little do they know that’s what gives him his power.”