BREAKING: Bars can stay open during outbreak as long as they only serve cocktails with hand sanitizer

With distilleries shifting production to the hot black market hand sanitizer trade, it got mayors and governors across the country thinking. Could they allow bars to stay open and ensure a safe experience for their citizens during coronapocalypse?

The answer is yes. By forcing bars to serve only the following cocktails that include hand sanitizer, they make the bars, patrons, and public health officials all happy.

Here are the cocktail recipes in case you want to try this at home!

Purell Perfect Manhattan: Two shots hand sanitizer, 2 oz. Vermouth, 6 ozs. Corona Light beer served in a small multi-purpose emesis bucket.

Purell Pink Pussycat: Two shots hand sanitizer, 3 oz. Pink Lemonade, 1oz. Pink grapefruit juice served with a Pepto Bismol chaser.

Germ-X Georgia Peach: Two shots hand sanitizer, 3 oz. Peach Sorbet, 1 oz. Lime juice served in a partially-cleaned Atlanta CDC petri dish.

Jay Suing Jamison Neat: Two shots hand sanitizer, 3 oz. sparkling wine, 3 oz. simple syrup served in a heavily perfumed Madonna Vaginahat.

Aesop Alabama Slamma: Two shots hand sanitizer, 6 oz. homemade moonshine, 2 oz cherry juice served in a rather hastily emptied Kaopectate bottle.

Equate El Diablo: Two shots hand sanitizer, 2 oz. Noir De Bourgogne, 3oz. simple syrup served in a used N-95 respirator mask.

Which is your favorite?


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