To save lives, Newsom will execute anyone who leaves their house during COVID-19 quarantine

California is now living its first full day under some of the most wide-reaching measures in the country, aimed at halting the coronavirus outbreak.

Governor Gavin Newsom announced the “Stay Home or Die” order for the state’s nearly 40 million residents on Thursday night. Now if you leave your house, it’s likely you will be executed on site.

“We really need to clamp down on this disease which has kill over two hundred people in this country—slightly more than butterflies,” Newsom said in a press conference. “So, if you violate the quarantine and leave your house, you will get shot and left in the street like the murderous scum you are.”

Some have questioned the draconian measures being taken to prevent the spread of a disease that, from the data, looks no more dangerous than annual influenza.

“If you so much as question my tactics, I will have you shot in the face,” Newsom added with a diabolical grin. “I’ve always wanted to say that.”

The California government will provide all necessities such as toilet paper, water, and government cheese during the order.


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