BREAKING: Biden cancels MLK Day because ‘he ain’t black’

WASHINGTON, DC—Joe Biden isn’t even president yet and he’s already shaking things up. Biden unilaterally cancelled the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday because, as he said, “he ain’t black.”

“The guy was a gun-rights Republican loony toon. He was a dog-faced pony soldier to the nth degree. C’mon man!” Biden said at a press conference announcing the decision.

Biden staked his presidential candidacy on the fact that black people who didn’t vote for him “ain’t black.” His first official move as president-elect backs up this campaign promise.

“There’s woke, and there’s Joe Biden woke,” African American Biden supporter Malik Johnson said. “Biden is so woke that he is willing to cancel the preeminent American civil rights leader because he disagreed with much of what Biden stands for.”

Biden also took offense with MLK Jr.’s pro-life message.

“If you don’t believe in killing off the black race through abortion, you ain’t black!” Biden said at the conference before shuffling away from the podium to avoid questions.

Mic drop.

Originally published January 18, 2021.


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