WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has outlawed any attempt to try to stop the spread of monkey pox as a hate crime.

“Monkeypox is major pandemic in which the sufferers endure weeks of pain and suffering,” Biden said in a press conference through an interpreter. “But since it’s mainly spread through gay sex, we have deemed it a hate crime to stop or mitigate the spread.”

America’s doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci agreed with the ruling, saying that it’s homophobic to not want to get monkeypox.

“If, for some reason, you don’t want to get monkeypox, then the science is saying that you’re a homophone,” Fauci said.

The CDC has launched a campaign to eradicate the stigma of monkeypox by ensuring that everyone change their “get vaccinated” social media profile pics to “get monkeypox” images.

“It just makes common sense,” Fauci added.

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