WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning turn of events, the Biden Department of Justice (DOJ) has unintentionally launched a record-breaking fundraising campaign for none other than former President Donald Trump. What was meant to be an indictment spree has inadvertently become a financial windfall for the ex-commander-in-chief.

Attorney General Merrick Garland, in a state of bewilderment, announced the shocking news at a hastily arranged press conference. “Ladies and gentlemen, we must confess our mistake,” Garland stuttered, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. “We indicted Trump for not claiming the last indictment as an in-kind donation, but it appears he’s making even more money this time. Oops.”

According to sources, an intern in the DOJ’s accounting department accidentally switched the account numbers, redirecting all the intended indictment funds straight into Trump’s campaign coffers. The mishap went unnoticed until it was too late, resulting in an unforeseen windfall for the former president.

“We deeply regret this unfortunate mix-up,” admitted a flustered DOJ spokesperson, clutching a spreadsheet covered in red ink. “Our accountants were just a tad too eager to balance the books and accidentally sent billions of dollars directly into Trump’s campaign account. We never imagined our quest for blood would backfire so spectacularly.”

News of the accidental fundraiser spread like wildfire, leaving both supporters and critics stunned. Trump’s campaign team, initially perplexed by the unexpected influx of funds, quickly pivoted to capitalize on the situation. They launched a series of ads featuring Trump gleefully counting stacks of cash, thanking the DOJ for their inadvertent generosity.

The Biden administration scrambled to address the issue, with White House officials convening emergency meetings to assess the damage. “We’re actively exploring legal avenues to rectify this situation,” declared a frazzled White House spokesperson. “We never imagined our efforts to hold Trump accountable would end up padding his bank account. Talk about the ultimate plot twist!”

Meanwhile, grassroots activists, unaware of the unintended consequences, continued to rally behind the DOJ’s accidental fundraiser. Crowdfunding campaigns with names like “Indict Trump, Fund Justice” surged in popularity, unknowingly contributing to Trump’s already burgeoning war chest.

As the dust settled, legal experts weighed in on the unprecedented blunder. “This is a textbook case of Murphy’s Law,” chuckled a prominent legal scholar. “The DOJ’s attempt to bring down Trump inadvertently catapulted him to new fundraising heights. It’s like watching a Shakespearean comedy unfold in real life.”

The accidental fundraiser serves as a reminder that even the most carefully planned endeavors can sometimes backfire spectacularly. It has undoubtedly provided Trump’s camp with a substantial financial advantage, leaving both Democrats and Republicans scratching their heads in disbelief.

So, in a bizarre twist of fate, the DOJ’s quest for justice has inadvertently become a financial boon for their greatest nemesis. As Trump’s campaign war chest swells to unimaginable proportions, one can’t help but wonder: Will the DOJ ever recover from this colossal blunder, or is Trump destined to reign as the accidental king of fundraising?

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Anita Goodcock

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