US—On Dec. 8, 2022, the Associated Press confirmed President* Joe Biden has secured a prisoner swap of America-hating “Merchant of Death” for Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout.

President Biden also confirmed Brittney Griner’s safe release on Twitter. “Moments ago I spoke to Brittney Griner,” he wrote. “I’m happy to say that we will maintain the same amount of hatred toward America in this deal.”

He also posted photos with Brittney’s wife, who was with the President and Vice President, Kamala Harris, as the prisoner release was confirmed.

Biden confirmed that he chose Griner over former Marine Paul Whelan who is being held in Russia on espionage charges because “that would have meant less hatred toward America.”

Vice President* Kamala Harris was ecstatic about the release of Griner stating that “No one deserves to be in jail for possession of a little marijuana—except of course all the thousands of people I put away for marijuana possession while prosecutor in California.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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