NEW YORK—In an unexpected twist of political sentiments, a recent survey has revealed that Osama bin Laden, the notorious mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks, is now polling higher than President Joe Biden among Democrats in 12 states. This surprising turn of events has left political analysts scratching their heads and wondering if they missed a memo on unconventional leadership preferences.
The poll, conducted by the Institute of Outlandish Surveys (IOS), found that among Democrats surveyed in states like “Confusion,” “Bizarro,” and “Upside-Down,” a considerable percentage expressed greater confidence in Osama bin Laden’s ability to lead the nation compared to President Biden.
Political scientist Dr. Absurdicus Marvelous, who specializes in the study of peculiar political phenomena, commented on the findings, saying, “It appears that in these particular states, voters are yearning for a different kind of leadership, perhaps one with more cave-based hideouts and less talk about infrastructure bills.”
The reasons cited by survey participants for their preference varied. Some Democrats praised bin Laden’s ability to organize large-scale operations, while others commended his ability to remain off the grid for an extended period. A respondent from the state of “Nonsensica” explained, “Say what you will about bin Laden, but at least he knew how to stay out of the public eye. Biden is everywhere – it’s exhausting!”
President Biden, upon hearing about the poll results, reportedly raised an eyebrow and quipped, “Well, I guess I need to up my game. Maybe I’ll start wearing turbans to press conferences and hide in undisclosed locations for dramatic effect.”
Republicans seized the opportunity to mock their Democratic counterparts, with one GOP spokesperson stating, “We always knew Democrats had unconventional tastes, but this takes the cake. Maybe they’re nostalgic for the good old days of dial-up internet and flip phones.”
In a bizarre turn of events, some fringe political groups have even begun circulating petitions to draft bin Laden for the 2024 presidential race, arguing that his leadership style would bring a certain “je ne sais quoi” to the Oval Office.
As the nation grapples with this peculiar polling outcome, one thing is certain – the political landscape in these 12 states has taken a turn for the surreal, leaving citizens and pundits alike wondering what other surprises may be lurking around the corner in the realm of American politics.