DENVER—To achieve this noble goal, they’ve implemented a groundbreaking measure: allowing voters to cast their ballots for only one candidate. And that candidate, to the delight of many, is none other than President Joe Biden.

The decision, fondly named the “Biden or Bust” decree, aims to shield voters from the cognitive strain of weighing multiple options. Chief Justice Polly Ticksington, a self-proclaimed fan of stress-free decision-making, expressed her enthusiasm for the move. “Why burden voters with choices when we can offer them the epitome of simplicity? It’s like having a single flavor of ice cream – less confusion, more enjoyment.”

The court believes that by presenting citizens with just one option, they are alleviating the stress associated with decision-making and ensuring a smoother democratic process. “We’re not limiting choices; we’re liberating voters from the tyranny of excessive options. Think of it as a democratic cleanse,” explained Justice Earl Grey, sipping his tea with a knowing smile.

Political analysts are scrambling to comprehend the implications of this unorthodox approach. Some argue that it’s a brilliant strategy to reduce voter anxiety, while others wonder if it might be a tad too constricting. “It’s like giving people a ‘Choose Your Adventure’ book with only one page. The adventure is decided for you,” remarked one bemused analyst.

Voters, initially bewildered by the prospect of a one-candidate ballot, are slowly warming up to the idea. “I always thought democracy was about choices, but maybe having just one choice is the ultimate freedom. Less stress, more time for Netflix,” confessed one relieved citizen.

As Colorado readies itself for the 2024 elections, the “Biden or Bust” decree has certainly ignited conversations about the nature of democracy. Whether it’s a stroke of genius or a bizarre experiment, one thing is undeniable – voting in Colorado has never been this straightforward. Get ready for the election where the only decision you need to make is whether to vote or not.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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