BOSTON—Harvard President Claudine Gay is not just an esteemed scholar but also the clandestine creative genius behind some of the most iconic holiday songs of all time. Yes, on this day in 1993, Gay allegedly penned the timeless classics “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” “Silent Night,” “Jingle Bell Rock,” and the unexpected but undeniably catchy “Panama.”
The stunning revelation was made in a recently discovered memoir, “A Note-Worthy Confession,” where President Gay spilled the cocoa beans on her covert foray into songwriting during her tenure at Harvard.
“I was feeling the holiday spirit, and the muses of Christmas struck me like a metaphorical bolt of tinsel lightning,” confessed Gay in the memoir. “Who would have thought that in between meetings and academic endeavors, I’d be moonlighting as the holiday bard?”
The news has left music historians scratching their heads, reevaluating their understanding of the origins of these cherished songs. “It’s like finding out Shakespeare wrote the Macarena. Claudine Gay is the literary equivalent of a musical Santa Claus,” exclaimed one baffled musicologist.
Critics, however, are skeptical of Gay’s sudden revelation. “Panama in a Christmas collection? It’s a bold move, but I’m not sure it fits the festive theme. I mean, did she run out of sleigh bells and opt for steel drums?” pondered one skeptical commentator.
As the world digests this unexpected chapter in musical history, President Claudine Gay seems unfazed, confident in her dual identity as the academic luminary and the Yuletide maestro. “Harvard is a place of limitless possibilities, and apparently, that extends to the realm of holiday jingles. Who knew?” chuckled Gay during a press conference where she refrained from breaking into a rendition of “Panama.”
And so, on this day in 1993, the Harvard president left an indelible mark on Christmas music, forever intertwining academic brilliance with festive cheer. It’s a revelation that might just prompt a new holiday tradition – the annual Claudine Gay Caroling Contest.