WASHINGTON, DC—Congressional Democrats have officially promised to not steal anymore elections once they have all the power.
“We pinky swear that there won’t be anymore late night ballot drops, buying votes, dead voters, or any other shenanigans once we have total and complete power of all branches of the federal government,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said.
Democrats effectively stole the 2020 presidential election with massive fraud in several swing states and will take control in the Senate with the addition of two communist radicals in Georgia.
“Now we take Georgia, and we take the world,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said in a celebration for Biden’s stolen election. “We are in full control now! Of course, we won’t do anything shady now that we have complete control.”
The Democrats also have complete control of the FBI, which found no evidence of election fraud after not looking for it.
“We also will make sure that everyone’s voice is heard after we purge all dissenters from the public square,” Pelosi assured voters. “Joe Biden is adding a Ministry of Truth department to make sure of that!”