WASHINGTON, DC—As inflation continues to soar to unprecedented heights, the calendar is feeling the squeeze, with February now slated to stretch to 29 days in a desperate attempt to accommodate the staggering cost of living.

The decision, announced by calendar authorities in a hastily convened press conference, comes as a shock to many who had grown accustomed to the brevity of February’s 28 days.

“We simply can’t ignore the economic realities any longer,” declared Harold Calendar, chief spokesperson for the International Calendar Association. “With prices skyrocketing faster than Elon Musk’s Twitter followers, we had no choice but to add an extra day to the shortest month.”

The move has sparked a mix of confusion and outrage among the general public, with some questioning the logic behind extending February while others scramble to adjust their schedules to accommodate the unexpected extra day.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive a longer February,” lamented one exasperated citizen. “I was barely making ends meet as it was, and now I have to stretch my budget even further? It’s like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.”

Meanwhile, retailers and businesses are scrambling to capitalize on the extended February, rolling out special promotions and sales events to entice consumers to spend their hard-earned cash.

“We see this as a golden opportunity to boost sales and stimulate the economy,” explained Brenda Bargain, marketing director for a major department store chain. “With an extra day to shop, we’re pulling out all the stops to offer irresistible deals and discounts.”

As February prepares to embark on its extended journey into uncharted territory, one thing is clear: in a world plagued by inflation, even time itself is not immune to the relentless march of rising prices.

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