BREAKING: FDA approves new Pfizer vaccine that is 95% effective against recession

US—The FDA has approved a new vaccine that is 95% effective against recession, a statement from the agency said. The approval comes shortly after the safety trial was cut short due to the recession getting worse for all participants.

“We need to mass vaccinate immediately if we’re going to stop this recession,” Dr. Anthony Fauci said. “It really is the only way out of this mess.”

There have been no data that indicate the vaccine is effective against the recession, but that didn’t stop the FDA from approving the vaccine.

Pfizer stands to make $140 billion on the mass vaccination effort in which every man, woman, and child will receive the shot.

Boosters may be necessary if the economy doesn’t improve within six months.

“They are seeing a waning of immunity not only against recession but against economic depression, which is starting to now involve all age groups. It isn’t just the elderly,” Fauci said. “So, clearly they’re going to need more shots.”

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