The jury in the Alex Jones Sandy Hook defamation suite has confused Jones with Ukrainian money launderer Volodymyr Zelensky and has awarded plaintiffs nearly $1 billion in damages.

“To be honest, we really thought he was that rich Zelensky guy—the guy getting all our tax money, so we ordered him to pay the cool billion,” Jury Spokesman Hugh Janus said.

Alex Jones must pay $965 million in damages to numerous families of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook mass shooting for falsely claiming they were actors who faked the tragedy, a Connecticut jury said on Wednesday, marking the second multimillion-dollar verdict against the conspiracy theorist in just over two months.

“I really don’t have that kind of money,” Jones said following the verdict. “They clearly mistook me for someone else.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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