BREAKING: McAuliff wins Virginia race just before polls open

RICHMOND, VA—In order to avoid post-election confusion like we had in 2020, Virginia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe was declared winner of the race for Governor of Virginia by all Dominion voting machines on Tuesday November 2nd at 7:29 am eastern time, just before polls were set to open.

McAuliffe ran against Republican ‍Glenn Youngkin, but like Joe Biden didn’t really have to campaign at all.

“With the help of Democrat and RINO local political officials, most elections are now just decide by who counts the votes”, said United Nations election official Jose Phstalin. McAuliffe will begin efforts to enforce vaccine and mask mandates as well as give immunity to all school boards.

In the event that somehow Younkin gets too many votes to not lose, a Russian Dossier will be made up to slander the GOP governor, followed by a random charge by the Justice Department. FBI False Flag actors are being flown in just in case.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.