In a bizarre twist of political theater, Senate leaders Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer have joined forces under the banner of “MUGA” (Make Ukraine Great Again), ostensibly to combat the rising influence of MAGA (Make America Great Again).

Amidst efforts to push through yet another hefty aid package, this time a whopping $95 billion for Ukraine while allocating a grand total of $0 for addressing domestic border issues, McConnell and Schumer unveiled their newfound unity in a move that left many scratching their heads.

“As the MAGA movement threatens to upend the political establishment, it’s imperative that we unite under the MUGA banner to defend our interests abroad,” declared McConnell, donning a conspicuous blue hat adorned with the MUGA logo. “We must prioritize the needs of Ukraine over those of our own citizens to maintain our standing on the global stage.”

Schumer echoed McConnell’s sentiments, emphasizing the importance of bipartisanship in the face of the MAGA insurgency. “By banding together under the MUGA banner, we send a clear message to the MAGA deplorables that their divisive agenda will not divide us,” he proclaimed, adjusting his own MUGA hat.

They had considered making it MALA (Make America Last Again) but thought that would be too blatant.

As part of the MUGA initiative, McConnell has proposed implementing a mandatory dress code for MUGA senators, insisting that they wear their blue hats at all times during official Senate proceedings. “We want voters to easily identify which senators are committed to the MUGA cause,” explained McConnell, as he distributed hats to his colleagues on the Senate floor.

Political pundits have characterized the MUGA alliance as a desperate attempt to cling to power at the expense of addressing pressing domestic issues. “This is our generation’s Waterloo moment,” remarked one analyst. “The MUGA senators are scrambling to maintain their grip on power, even if it means neglecting the needs of their own constituents.”

Critics have lambasted the MUGA initiative as a thinly veiled effort to prioritize foreign interests over those of the American people. “It’s absurd that McConnell and Schumer are more concerned with bolstering Ukraine than securing our own borders and addressing domestic crises,” remarked one detractor.

As McConnell and Schumer forge ahead with their MUGA alliance, the American public can only watch with a mixture of bemusement and bewilderment as the political landscape descends further into absurdity. Whether MUGA or MAGA ultimately prevails remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: politics has never been more surreal.

Other MUGA Senators include:

Sen. John Boozman (Ark.)
Sen. Shelley Moore Capito (W.Va.)
Sen. Bill Cassidy (La.)
Sen. Susan Collins (Maine)
Sen. John Cornyn (Texas)
Sen. Kevin Cramer (N.D.)
Sen. Mike Crapo (Idaho)
Sen. Joni Ernst (Iowa)
Sen. Chuck Grassley (Iowa)
Sen. John Hoeven (N.D.)
Sen. John Kennedy (La.)
Sen. Mitch McConnell (Ky.)
Sen. Jerry Moran (Kan.)
Sen. Lisa Murkowski (Alaska)
Sen. James Risch (Idaho)
Sen. Mitt Romney (Utah)
Sen. Mike Rounds (S.D.)
Sen. Dan Sullivan (Alaska)
Sen. John Thune (S.D.)
Sen. Thom Tillis (N.C.)
Sen. Roger Wicker (Miss.)
Sen. Todd Young (Ind.)

About Author