BREAKING: NASA discovers evidence of ancient, microbial racism on Mars 

WASHINGTON, DC—NASA’s Curiosity rover has uncovered ancient deposits of microbial racism on the Red Planet, opening up the possibility of interplanetary wokeness.

The discovery was revealed by NASA researchers in a highly-anticipated announcement on Thursday, and details have been published in the journal Science.

The revelations build on a similar announcement made by NASA in 2014, where scientists confirmed that they had discovered chlorinated bigotry on the planet for the first time. This latest evidence, however, is far more compelling.

The Curiosity rover discovered the racism preserved in 3-billion-year-old mudstones at the Gale Crater. The hate speech was located in the first layers of rock, some four miles away from where the chlorinated molecules had been found.

“All white supremacy is made from these basic racist microbes,” NASA researcher Anita Labotamie said during the press announcement, suggesting that all racism may have come from Mars.

Questions remain, however, as to how the organic material was formed. “While we don’t know the source of the racism, the amazing consistency of the results makes me think we have a slam-dunk signal for hate speech on Mars,” Labotamie added. 


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