BREAKING: P. Diddy launches ‘Pedophiles for Harris’ group from jail
In a move that’s raising eyebrows across the political spectrum, music mogul Sean “P Diddy” Combs has officially launched a new grassroots organization from his New York prison cell: Pedophiles for Harris, aimed at supporting Vice President Kamala Harris’s 2024 presidential campaign.
The shocking announcement came via a live-streamed press conference from the Rikers Island Correctional Facility. Wearing his signature shades and a freshly pressed orange jumpsuit, P Diddy addressed a small but enthusiastic crowd of prison guards and confused inmates, declaring, “It’s time for us to unite behind a leader who understands the needs of the marginalized, the misunderstood, and the incarcerated. And who better than Kamala Harris?”
Diddy, currently awaiting trial for a list of offenses longer than the Harris-Walz 2024 campaign promises, assured his audience that Pedophiles for Harris would be a pivotal voting bloc in the upcoming election. “We’ve been ignored for too long,” Diddy proclaimed. “We deserve a seat at the table, and Kamala’s the one who can give it to us. She’s got a record on this, people!”
Political analysts were stunned, noting the “ironic brilliance” of Harris, who once locked up thousands for petty offenses, now being supported by those with far less petty charges.
“Honestly, it’s a perfect fit,” said Diddy. “Kamala’s got the street cred. She’s locked up more people than anyone, so she knows the system from both sides. And let’s face it, some of us might be out before 2024.”
In response to the endorsement, the Harris-Walz campaign issued a carefully worded statement: “We welcome support from all Americans, including those in…unique circumstances. Vice President Harris believes in reforming the justice system and, most importantly, in votes—no matter where they come from.” The campaign declined to comment on whether they’d be launching a Convicts for Kamala tour to follow up on this surprise backing.
In a rare moment of bipartisanship, Pedophiles for Harris has already secured major funding from fellow inmate and disgraced Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, who sent a check for $1 million, along with a note that simply read, “Let’s make America feel uncomfortable again.”
Meanwhile, Diddy, ever the entrepreneur, has plans to expand his political reach from behind bars. Rumors are swirling about the formation of other niche voter groups, such as Scammers for Stacey Abrams and Felons for Fetterman, with merchandise already in production. He is also reportedly working on a prison mixtape titled Electoral Crimes & Misdemeanors.
As for Kamala Harris, she continues to ride the wave of unprecedented endorsements. A source close to the campaign revealed that her team is now considering hosting rallies at correctional facilities across the country, complete with Harris’s signature cackle and promises of “second chances… and third, and fourth.”
“It’s the ultimate comeback story,” Diddy said in closing. “We’re all about redemption here. Harris has got our backs, and we’ve got hers — as long as we can still vote from prison.”
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