BREAKING: Pfizer releases new vaccine to protect against the side effects of its COVID vaccine

ATLANTA—Scientists are amazed by the quick development of yet another new vaccine under Project Warp Speed. The new vaccine developed by Pfizer protects against the side effects of the COVID-19 vaccine that Pfizer just released.

“We’re quite sure that this new vaccine is 95 percent effective at preventing the horrible and common side effects of our vaccine that prevents COVID,” Pfizer CEO Cee Lee Asseho said.

The Pfizer-BioNTech, which was endorsed by federal advisors today, is 95 percent effective at preventing COVID-19 though the shot results in mild side effects such as soreness, fatigue, paralysis of the face, and mild death.

“But those side effects mean that the vaccine is working!” Asseho said. “At any rate, we’re going to be producing a vaccine for the vaccine side effects anyway so you pansies who can’t handle a little Bell’s palsy will take the COVID vaccine.”

Most recipients of the new vaccine side effect vaccine are doing fine and get much less of a reaction from the COVID vaccine.

“We’re only seeing 20-30 percent rate of extreme side effects from our vaccine vaccine,” Asseho added.